Awareness

What’s distracting you?

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What is distracting you? Is it food, alcohol, Netflix, your work… something else?

I found out what my distraction was, and did what I needed to do.

Want to know what you can do? Watch my video. 

Watch this before you eat that extra cookie…

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The video below talks about understanding (and having compassion for yourself) when you have an urge to splurge in eating.

Do you find yourself going for that extra cookie or scoop of ice cream too often? Then it is time to watch my video below to find out how to stop.

Focus on things you can control! Let me help you see how.

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The world is certainly undergoing through many changes. With change often comes anxieties and the fear of loss. The more centered, objective and neutral we are, the more resilient and adaptable we become to this temporary situation. That is why focusing on high priority actions and things we have control over is an expression of wisdom.

In the video below I have pointed out the things you can still control to keep calm and resilient.

How do you close the knowing-doing gap?

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Would you agree that we are prone to cram our minds full of new things to know, yet fail to put into practice those few important things we need to do?

There is a gap between our knowing and our doing.

I want to resolve this for you as you can hear in my video below:

Every one of us experiences this challenge, especially in our information-driven world. While it’s true that there’s an ongoing need to learn and know more, implementing what is already clear is our greater need.

When it comes to our goals and the changes we want to make, closing the knowing-doing gap becomes important.

We may have the motivation but it is not enough. This subject has been of interest to me and I want to share practices that have worked for me and my clients.

My “stormy season” poem

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Back in August of 2019, I was going through what I call a “stormy season”. At that time I wrote the poem “Nature Whispered” to express my feelings, and shared the poem at my 2020 Make It Your Best Year Yet event. Many of the attendees asked for the poem, so here it is:

The magic of saying “No”… and sometimes “Yes”

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At times do you feel like you have taken on too many commitments and feel spread too thin? Have considered saying “No” at times like that, but find it hard to do? Let’s look at why it can be so hard to say no. Put another way, how do you say no and not feel bad about it?Saying “No” can trigger all sorts of worried thoughts in your brain, like:

  • I’m missing out
  • I’m being rude
  • I’m letting them down
  • I’m making them angry
  • I’m not meeting my goals

And on and on and on…

Most of the time, none of those are true. One key to success in life and business is to be capable of choosing when to get involved and when to set boundaries.

Examples of when it is OK to say “No”: 

  • When you’re stressed or overwhelmed
  • When you’re already doing too much
  • When you’re tired or sick
  • When it’s something you don’t want to do
  • When it takes away from your values and wishes
  • When you deserve or need some time to yourself

Here are some tips to help you when you are saying “No”:

  • Tell the truth: Always find a way to be truthful; an honest and respectful answer to a request ultimately deepens the integrity of a relationship.

  • Timing matters: No does not mean “No forever”. Sometimes you just need time or circumstances to be right, so don’t feel that you are permanently shutting out a goal or a person if you say no at a given moment.

  • Stay firm: People who are used to relying on you saying “Yes” will often try to persuade you. Don’t get drawn into elaborate discussion. Just repeat your no and have short phrases or a sentence ready that honestly explain your decision, for example: “I’m unavailable because my family needs me”; “I can’t right now because I am swamped with other commitments”; “It is not the precise area where I choose to put my efforts right now”.

Saying “No” does not mean you are selfish or lazy. It means you are setting boundaries, which is vital in our busy world. And strange as it may seem, this can be a help to other people as well, when they observe how you take care of your own needs.

And by saying “No” you make space for more “Yes”—to the things you really want to say “Yes” to.

Both “Yes” and “No” have magic within them, allowing us to fully respond to each situation in life. It is about being able to choose what we want.

Ask yourself at each moment of decision, what do I really want and need? Then courageously state your ‘Yes” or “No” and watch the magic happen.

Make your goals exciting and inspiring, here is how…

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Let’s continue with tips that can make 2020 your best year yet! Last email we talked about the importance of writing your goals.

Sometimes we may set goals for ourselves that we don’t deeply care about. We set them because we assume that we should want to achieve certain things. As a result, our goals become another overwhelming to-do-list.

How do we make our goals exciting and inspiring?Vision and feelings working together 

By discovering your feelings behind the goals, and attaching those feelings to the goals!

 

For each goal ask yourself:

  • How do I want to feel?
  • Why did I choose this goal?

Let’s say you want to lose weight. Feeling energized so you can do more activities with friends and loved ones, may be the feeling you identify behind the weight loss goal.

Let’s say you want to make more money. The feelings of security and freedom are what you may identify that drive that goal forward.

When our goals are aligned with our core values and they are meaningful then no matter what obstacles come in the way, we find the energy to take action and move forward. Our feelings inform our thoughts and perspectives and actions.

“Don’t allow your mind to tell your heart what to do. The mind gives up easily.” – Paulo Coelho

So, pick your top three goals, and determine your “WHY”s. The deeper you go with your “WHY”s the more you will be moved emotionally, and that is what will make you take action. And when faced with a challenge you will find yourself more resilient and determined. 

Here is a way to practice to help you with the process. Yes, keep going deep, and keep writing until you get a feeling of a deep emotion that may even show up as tearing of your eyes or other emotional expression. (You may get to it in a few steps, but usually it takes six or seven steps!) You may want to this exercise with a partner; it is powerful to share.

This changed my life!

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Do you find yourself happy / sad, up / down, optimistic / pessimistic, and so on?

Rest assured that we all do. That was hard for me to understand until I realized the depolarization process.

You can hear me explain it in this video.

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Everything in life down to the quantum wave is made of positive and negative. Acceptance and understanding of this polarity can free you to be successful. As you embrace all that you are, and all that is, you center yourself, giving yourself the freedom to choose.

What I learned in 2019

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This week I had the time to sit and reflect on the things I learned in 2019. As I reflected, I realized that some of them are repeat from the past years so I guess some lessons I will keep learning.

Here are some of the most important ones I want to share:

  1. Your health is one of your most valuable assets. Appreciate, nurture, and protect it.
  2. Every person and every situation that you encounter teaches you about you: your blockages, your triggers, your perceptions and your assumptions. The moments of triggers and pain are also big moments of opportunity to heal them.
  3. Be assertive. If something feels wrong and you feel that you can help improve it, speak up. Your voice matters.
  4. At times slowing down makes you faster. Your worth is not measured by your superficial productivity. Learn to honor down time and recharge.
  5. Saying “YES and “NO” are equally important. Feel free to choose what you really desire. Each time you say “yes” to something you are already saying “no” to something else. Speak your truth and honor yourself.
  6. Be yourself! It is okay if people don’t like or understand you. People view life through their unique personal lens. Criticisms can help you grow – or if not, be polite and move on to greener pastures.
  7. It is okay to be in the “don’t know” zone. None of us really have life completely figured out. Make a decision to have a wonder-filled life.
  8. Surround yourself with people that lovingly challenge and support you. Then you will surely grow.
  9. Contributing to others inspires and gives meaning to life. Keep giving but don’t forget to refuel yourself in the process.
  10. You have the power to choose! Nothing can stop you.

 

The Impact of Connection

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Does the internet and social media make us more connected or disconnected? You have probably heard this question being discussed on many occasions. Although there are various ways of looking at the topic, I will share my experience.

When I asked this question to a group of students in Mercy College during my Stress Mastery presentation a couple of months ago, at first the students did not want to respond. When I spoke about it a bit more and invited a response, I saw the students’ eyes well up, and quite a few said they feel isolated and lonely all the time.

And when we did a connection exercise together and some humanity was exchanged, tears were rolling down most students’ cheeks regardless of gender. Even the “tough”-looking guys showed their feelings and were emotional.

Did you know that there are studies showing that loneliness is becoming an epidemic in many countries, threatening physical health more than smoking and obesity? Obviously, mental health and well-being are also affected by persistent feelings of loneliness, and studies do talk about that as well.

Here are two of the articles that discuss the topic, from Harvard and from WebMD.

Summarizing one aspect: the nation’s 75 million millennials (ages 23-37) and Generation Z adults (18-22) are lonelier than any other U.S. demographic and report being in worse health than older generations at similar ages. Both articles mention this quote:

“Loneliness has the same impact on mortality as smoking 15 cigarettes a day, making it even more dangerous than obesity.” ~Dr. Vivek H. Murthy, former Surgeon General of the United States

So, what can we do to help ourselves and those around us?

Let’s understand what connection is. Connection is not an exchange of information, it is an exchange of presence, emotion and humanity. As human beings, we are wired to connect and have a community, so first let’s be aware of that.

This is a big topic, so for now I want to give you some steps you can start implementing or do more of, to help move in a good direction:

  • Be authentic, and trust that even with our imperfections, our presence and connection is important and valuable
  • Be genuinely interested in others, because every person wants to feel cared about and connected to others
  • We communicate in many ways, so remember that a smile, a word of interest, a touch (when appropriate), can all make people feel connected, including oneself!

These are skills we can all learn. I hope you can enjoy practicing and connecting.

“People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.” ~Maya Angelou

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